Prismatic Wasteland has announced a new Blog Bandwagon. This time, it's adding hexes to a hexcrawl based on the Christmas movies of Rankin & Bass. For my entry, I thought about where Santa might get the coal he gives out to naughty children. My answer was a classic cartoon villain, complete with an exciting but dangerous casino lair.
COAL MOUNTAIN (HEX 101)
Rugged, hilly land with countless small peaks and summits. The ground is covered with loose slate tiles and scree, the whole region cracked like an eggshell. The sky is forever overcast with black clouds of burning coal smoke. Stunted, gnarled candy canes eke from the impoverished earth. Rivulets and streams of ashy, polluted water flow southeast to further contaminate the Poison Swamp (hex 201).
Mine entrances bore into the valleys and hollows. Small wooden miners' shacks cling to the slopes in clusters near each entryway. On the largest plane of smooth level ground towers The Coal House. Blinking red neon signs announce its name and the entertainments - Drinks! Live music! Dancing! Gambling! - found within.
Adjacent Hexes
Wilderness Encounters (roll d8)
1 Weary, gnome-sized elves in faded blue
work suits carrying picks and shovels march to a mine entrance to start
their shift. Everyone here used to work at Castle Claus (hex 302) but was fired
for some form of incompetence or disobedience. (1-3) Bermy, a cross-eyed
elf who just needs a pair of glasses, was fired because all his toys
were crooked and wonky; (4-5) Fermi, a former Italian physicist before
the elfing process, was fired for powering his toys with uranium; (6)
Shermy, an ordinary red-headed human child, sure hopes his friend Mr Peabody comes back to rescue him soon. No one can stop to talk long; the
overseer will dock their pay.
3 Elf shepherdess Frilly leads her flock of Wooloo sheep to graze on the stunted candy canes creeping up between the rocks. She thinks the Coal House is a naughty place, and does her best to discourage anyone from going there.
4 Elves on strike! A mine entrance is
blocked by a half-dozen elves with little wooden signs demanding safer
working conditions, shorter hours, better pay. Orc labor activist
Scabkiller (escaped from the Orchish Toy Factory hex 603) leads their chants. Middle-aged elf taskmaster Maestro
Tasckrow is outraged as though every reduction in others' misery will cause
equivalent pain to him personally. He cracks his whip and exhorts the
elves to get back to work.
6 A wild herd of Dubwool rams block the way. They're territorial and fighty.
THE COAL HOUSE
A great warrior's stronghold, converted into a raucous nightclub that never closes during the endless night of the arctic winter. The exterior still looks like a keep, but it's been dressed up with blinking red neon signs announcing THE COAL HOUSE and the many sins and vices found inside - drinking, live music, dancing, gambling. Pictograms depict a liquor bottle, a trumpet, a dancing girl, and a pair of dice for the benefit of the illiterate.
The interior of the Coal House is sweltering and clouded with a mix of tobacco and coal smoke. The music alternates between a lively brass swing band (for dancing) and a quieter jazz trio (for business), both playing arrangements of classic Christmas songs. The audience is mostly exhausted elf miners trying to indulge as much as they can afford. The staff are mostly elves too; like the miners, they've been rejected from Santa's workshops.
Most prices are denominated in Company Scrip, a worthless paper currency the overseers use to pay the miners. A silver coin will get you any drink on the menu. Some of the better-off miners can afford to buy a single silver coin, and can offer d6+6 CS in exchange. 1 CS buys a bowl of soup or gruel, a small loaf bread, or a glass of the cheapest drink.
The Coal House is the domain of Jazz King Coal, a giant of a man dressed in a black suit and ermine-trimmed red cape, smoking a pipe the size and shape of a saxophone. He thinks of himself as an important businessman. He buys all the coal from the mines and sells it on the Santa and several others, while technically employing none of the miners or overseers. He has a big, outgoing personality to match his great size, and will sing to introduce himself:
Ho ho ho, I'm Jazz King Coal
And a merry old king is me
So let's have us a drink and have us a smoke
And let's hear from my Fiddler's Three!
If he's asked about his business, he'll snap his fingers, and the miners will sing in unison to explain:
Do you remember?
Naughty children get coal in December
So these mountains must all be dismembered
And we dig must every night and day!
Events in the Coal House (roll d8)
1 Jazz King Cole's aging elf overseers attend to front of house business. (1-3) fastidious chef Keugal is bringing Christmas cake on a cart to the boss, he'll sell a round of Christmas cookies to any table along the way for 1 silver coin; (4-6) band leader Fleugal is showing off his brand new authentic who-hoober horn, wants to know what you got for Christmas so he can tell you why your present was worse than his.
2 The band is hot right now! (1-3) the brass band is on fire, Fleugal is playing the best horn of his life, the whole audience is on their feet dancing; (4-5) The Fiddler's Three are playing a love song, and dime-a-dance elf girl Violet really wants someone to give her a silver coin for a slow dance; (6) there must have been some magic in that old top hat he found, because Michigan Frog is actually performing a rousing round of "Hello My Baby" for an adoring crowd.
The interior of the Coal House is sweltering and clouded with a mix of tobacco and coal smoke. The music alternates between a lively brass swing band (for dancing) and a quieter jazz trio (for business), both playing arrangements of classic Christmas songs. The audience is mostly exhausted elf miners trying to indulge as much as they can afford. The staff are mostly elves too; like the miners, they've been rejected from Santa's workshops.
Most prices are denominated in Company Scrip, a worthless paper currency the overseers use to pay the miners. A silver coin will get you any drink on the menu. Some of the better-off miners can afford to buy a single silver coin, and can offer d6+6 CS in exchange. 1 CS buys a bowl of soup or gruel, a small loaf bread, or a glass of the cheapest drink.
The Coal House is the domain of Jazz King Coal, a giant of a man dressed in a black suit and ermine-trimmed red cape, smoking a pipe the size and shape of a saxophone. He thinks of himself as an important businessman. He buys all the coal from the mines and sells it on the Santa and several others, while technically employing none of the miners or overseers. He has a big, outgoing personality to match his great size, and will sing to introduce himself:
Ho ho ho, I'm Jazz King Coal
And a merry old king is me
So let's have us a drink and have us a smoke
And let's hear from my Fiddler's Three!
If he's asked about his business, he'll snap his fingers, and the miners will sing in unison to explain:
Do you remember?
Naughty children get coal in December
So these mountains must all be dismembered
And we dig must every night and day!
Events in the Coal House (roll d8)
1 Jazz King Cole's aging elf overseers attend to front of house business. (1-3) fastidious chef Keugal is bringing Christmas cake on a cart to the boss, he'll sell a round of Christmas cookies to any table along the way for 1 silver coin; (4-6) band leader Fleugal is showing off his brand new authentic who-hoober horn, wants to know what you got for Christmas so he can tell you why your present was worse than his.
2 The band is hot right now! (1-3) the brass band is on fire, Fleugal is playing the best horn of his life, the whole audience is on their feet dancing; (4-5) The Fiddler's Three are playing a love song, and dime-a-dance elf girl Violet really wants someone to give her a silver coin for a slow dance; (6) there must have been some magic in that old top hat he found, because Michigan Frog is actually performing a rousing round of "Hello My Baby" for an adoring crowd.
3 Jazz King Coal encourages everyone to try out some gambling. The nearest gaming table has (1-3) roulette!, costs 1, roll 3d6, payout is 30 CS for triples; (4-5) blackjack!, costs 1, 5, or 10, player and house each roll 2d12 and try to get the higher score, house wins ties, payout equal to bet, payout double on player roll of 21, player loses all rolls of 22 or higher; (6) yahtzee! cost 5, roll 5d6 and try to make the best hand, house wins ties, player can buy a reroll by raising the stakes (but house gets one too), payout equal to current stake, payout double on a yahtzee. Each game costs either 1 Company Scrip or 1 silver coin. If you wager in silver, the payout is d6 × the listed amount, but all prizes are awarded in scrip.
4 Unruly customer causing a ruckus. (1-3) aging elf Clarence has been annoying the staff by asking for drinks and gaming not on the menu, and now he claims not to have any money anyway; (4-6) addled elf Harvey Harko is talking to his imaginary friend the invisible rabbit again.
5 Jazz King Cole is conducting a major coal sale to an important buyer at his VIP table. (1-3) Jingle, a representative from Castle Claus (hex 302), is here to place Santa's monthly order, plus a little extra to be delivered in secret to Mrs Mary Claus; (4-5) butler automaton Fetch-Kvetch is here from Kubla Kastle (hex 102) to buy fuel for Kubla Kraus's latest Keh-Night army; (6) cruel elf Caduceus is buying supplies for the Orcish Toy Factory (hex 603), he wants coal to fuel the orc-conversion process, and a supply of "volunteers" who owe debts to the Coal House.
6 The elf dancing girls are putting on a real show. (1-3) a dozen elf ballerinas are reenacting scenes from The Nutcracker Suite, (4-5) dime-a-dance elf girls Violet and Viola are working the room, pulling people up out of their chairs, dancing with each other, giving away a quick twirls; (6) the ballerinas are performing a cancan, and the audience is losing their minds, hooting and hollering, howling like wolves.
7 The Robot Devil arrives and demands that everyone have a good time in his honor. Drink! Smoke! Dance! Make merry, dammit! Merrier!! Anybody seen not enjoying themselves risks being thrown out.
8 Disturbance at the door, somebody wants inside and the bouncers don't want to let them in. (1-3) elf deerherd Nilly is blocking the door with her mixed flock of Stantlers and Wyrdeer, exhorting everyone to leave the Coal House, trying to bring her deer in to crowd the customers out; (4-5) orc activist Redgold (escaped from the Orcish Toy Factory hex 603) has a satchel full of labor rights pamphlets, she wants to organize a union inside the Coal House; (6) seemingly harmless and feeble Grandpa Dracula can't come in unless he's invited, but c'mon, how dangerous could this old man really be?
Drink Menu
1 Company Scrip - Grog Nog - cheap beer mixed with sweetened milk with a sprinkle of nutmeg
2 Company Scrip - Wassail - a teacup of steaming hot punch served from the communal bowl
5 Company Scrip - Mine Shine - strong, harsh liquor distilled from coal tar
1 silver coin - Jingle Juice - a spicy whiskey and cranberry drink with a miniature candy cane stir stick, served in a collectible novelty glass (Periwinkle Bartholomew hex 201 collects these)
(A final note on coal - Everyone knows that coal is for naughty children. It can also be purchased for individual, household, or industrial use - but never mind that - everyone knows you must have really gotten it because you were naughty. Coal is an admission of guilt! It's also cheap and plentiful, it burns warm and bright. For many residents of the region, coal is their dirty little secret. They don't want anyone else to know they're using it; they're each certain everyone else who uses must really be naughty.)
